The Rescuers

I’m using this for my Classic You’ve Never Read square on my book bingo.

Yes, this is the source material for the beloved children’s animated classic Disney’s The Rescuers (1977). However, there is nothing to love about the better-off-forgotten 1959 book.

Here’s the deal: my review is going to have a lot of spoilers because you DEFINITELY don’t want to read this book. I have done the reading for you. Please do not.

The Prisoner’s Aid Society of Mice decides that, breaking all protocol and precedent, they must rescue a poet from a terrible dungeon. Bernard is volunteered to recruit Bianca (the Ambassador’s son’s pet mouse) to recruit a Norwegian mouse, all with the goal of communicating with this poet. Turns out by “Norwegians” Margery Sharp actually means “pirates.” Bianca faints twice in Norway because she was written in 1959 and she’s female so why wouldn’t she faint, really? The recruitment process and the voyage back takes just under half the book for no good reason.

Eventually, Norwegian pirate mouse Nils sets off for the dungeon with reluctant Bernard and lovestruck Bianca in tow. Once there, they infiltrate the prison and make themselves comfortable in the wall of the warden’s office. Another almost half of the entire book is spent on their living arrangements: how they use stamps to make carpeting, how they carefully hang cardboard so delicate Miss Bianca is safe from the rough, rowdy men, and how silly sheltered Miss Bianca doesn’t believe the cat is mean because she’s only met nice, cultured cats.

The cat is clearly the main antagonist in the book, but the mice never actually defeat him. Their answer whenever he puts them in danger is just wait until he falls asleep. So exciting. In fact, that’s even the grand plan to rescue the prisoner. Wait until everyone falls asleep.

What little is left in the book contains an anticlimactic rescue where the mice do nothing but throw the keys to the poet-prisoner. The poet, by the way, never proves his innocence or gives any reason he should not be in prison. It’s just that he’s a poet, so obviously he’s also an angel with too weak a constitution for this terrible place and must be rescued. The mice are rewarded with medals after this heroic venture and everyone goes their separate ways.

Ask me if Bianca and Bernard’s flirtation ever blossoms into romance. Go ahead. Ask me!

No. No it doesn’t. When they finally address their feelings on the third to last page, a human spots Bianca and scoops her up. “Ah,” he says, “the Ambassador’s son’s pet mouse!” And off he walks.

“It was never meant to be!” Bianca calls to Bernard as she is carried away. That’s it. That’s the end of the romance.

But of course my favorite line comes when Bernard and Nils try to protect Miss Bianca from danger as they have been doing the whole book. “Oh sweet Bernard, strong Nils,” Bianca says. “I may not be clever or courageous like you men, but at least let me use my charm!”

Maybe in 1957 this was a good book, but there are better books out there now. Do not read this. Please, if you love yourself, do not read this book. The Rescuers is unimaginative, slow-moving, and old-school sexist. The movie is way better and it has crocodiles and diamonds. Please do not read this book.